Unemployment

Is the temp agency ever hip to us now. They are hot on our tracks and we here at the B-rist intend to kick it to them wholeheartedly. We intend to take our late day version of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off all the way to the top.

In a strange twist of fate, the temp agency is now calling us every hour, with some spectacular new job scenario, because they have realized that we have filed for unemployment, are frittering away the days here at the B-rist, veritably getting paid to blog, while they are footing the bill for us to do so. Spectacular. Now, instead of us having to call them every hour and get turned down, in some spectacular turn of the tables, we are now doing the turning down. Oh, can’t get to the phone right now, we are preening over our blog at the moment. Sorry. –Yeah, well we actually don’t do warehouse work, so what do you know?

A big moment transpires this afternoon, when they threaten me by saying that if I don’t get over there to take some mandatory typing exam, it could well in fact jeopardize my unemployment situation. “Just letting you know,” Sarah ominously intones into my voicemail. We will not lie: that kind of threat does send a wave of panic over us here at the blogspot, and we do in fact phone her back immediately. But only for correspondences’ sake. Because even though we can type—are typing like a motherfucker right this very moment—we tell her it’s no use, because we haven’t used a computer in years. Have been living on some hippie commune, actually, and don’t even know how to turn one on. Oh, is it ever a banner day here at the B-rist. We are sticking it to the man and we are proud. For another ten minutes, we presume, until they send the truancy officer to arrest me and send me back to class.